If I’ve learned one thing this year – it’s that I am ever so loved. I began this year in a state of confusion and depression from a failed relationship which I foresaw going a whole lot differently than it did. Questions filled my mind and doubts of my own self-worth even crept in from time to time when I allowed them. It was not the greatest of times.
After living a somewhat “normal” life for the last few years I was beginning to buy into the whole “American dream.” I had a decent paying job, minimal expenses, and was looking for the next thing. I’ve struggled with loneliness for several years and figured what better than to find a wife to solve all my problems in life. As you’ve probably guessed, this method isn’t fool-proof and a recipe for disaster – which I knew. What my heart was really looking for was a deeper connection with someone. This desire is built into all of us so that we can know God on an extremely intimate level, but if you aren’t careful this desire can be absorbed by a person rather than our Father. The connection a man has with his wife is special, don’t get me wrong, but the relationship offered by the Lord is even more so. It’s this relationship that has been abundantly more one-sided than it should have been.
As I press into the Lord, magically enough, my worries and unrest start to slowly lift. That’s not to say that anything technically gets easier or that all my problems in life are solved, but having trust in a relationship can do a lot more than you might think. I know for a fact that He has COMPLETE control over my life and could change anything if He wanted. The beauty of this relationship is that it’s a partnership. Even though he could do anything, he still invites me to follow and obey Him and walk together through this journey called life.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” – Proverbs 3: 5-6
Even though I have been (and still am at times) tied to desires of this world, He continues to shower His love on me in ways that only someone who really knows me would. I’m losing count of times when He has blessed me or shown me love in very specific ways exactly when I needed it. He has surrounded me with people who are seeking Him and know how to love me in tangible ways.
As this year comes to a close, I thank God for the love He has for me and the perfect plan He has for my life. Although I still have no idea what next year looks like, I trust in Him and will continue to follow Him wherever He leads me – whether it be to Guinea, back to Texas, or anywhere else in the world. I know that no matter where I am – His love stays the same.
THANK YOU so much for covering me in love, prayer, and support throughout this season of my life. I appreciate you more than you will ever know.